Category: Timeline

I think it will be good.

If you are in Swindon you should come and look at it.

The band’s set went well; I guess the added confidence that came with having a passionate group of fans paid dividends to their show. However, half way through the set, the long, stringy fans after bobbing their heads to the music constantly, started to bend in towards themselves. Their heads started to tuck into their stomach’s and eventually they all rolled up on themselves and wilted onto the floor in a heap. The single stunted fan carried on nodding his head oblivious to the commotion, enraptured by his heroes onstage.

After the gig, the band were aghast, as like the stunted fan were so engrossed by the occasion that they hadn’t noticed the fans wilting.

According to my mate, the owner of the venue quickly intervened and handed the band brushes to sweep away the debris they had inadvertently created.

That was the last I ever heard of that band.

During the evening the band had collected various spittle from different people’s glasses around the venue and the bassist now set to work organising the next experiment – growing a set of fans for the next gig. The week before, a set of twenty bell jars had arrived through the post and it was in these jars that the bassist put the twenty spittle specimens that the band had collected earlier. At this point I must add that their existing fan was a clone of the punter of which he was collected from, albeit smaller and more bloated due to being grown hydroponically.

In the morning, just like before, each jar contained a foetus – a success rate of a hundred percent, which the bassist was very satisfied with. It was then that he rang the guitarist and the guitarist being a gardener suggested turning up the heating and putting an ultraviolet light in the greenhouse so the average temperature and light levels could be kept at optimum level throughout the night.

With the new greenhouse set up the bell jar humans grew quicker than the original specimen and had to be transplanted into elongated bell jars with open tops, to allow them to grow as they wished. In fact, by the end of their gestation they had grown as tall as the greenhouse in which they were in and their heads had started to nod towards their chests to make room for the extended growth. They were also ripe in half the time of the previously grown human.

The band were happy with their new crop and looked forward to bringing their very tall and imposing fans to their next show.

Like I said, the band were struggling to make any fans at all, which they couldn’t understand because they thought what they were doing was good.

One night just after another gig playing to a largely empty room the drummer collected a sample of spit off the lip of an in use pint glass of one of the pub punters. He told the guitarist this and then the guitarist told the bassist. They then concocted a plan.

The next day the band went to the bassist’s greenhouse shop and the drummer brought some scientific kit, mainly consisting of a bell jar and pipes. The guitarist suggested they fill the jar up with water and put the spit sample in. Then the bassist suggested they leave the set up in one of his greenhouses.

In the morning whilst opening up his greenhouse shop the bassist checked how the jar was doing. To his surprise a foetus had appeared in the bell jar. Immediately he rang his band mates and told them the exciting news. They all agreed to leave the foetus in the jar to grow, and after nine weeks the foetus had grown into a miniature human.

By the time the band played another gig the human was fully grown and decided to come and see his parents play. For the first time ever the band had a true fan, as the bell jar grown human thought their stuff was great.