The Fans


After the gig, the band went back home and the bassist put the fan to bed in the greenhouse like he had been doing every night previously.

During the evening the band had collected various spittle from different people’s glasses around the venue and the bassist now set to work organising the next experiment – growing a set of fans for the next gig. The week before, a set of twenty bell jars had arrived through the post and it was in these jars that the bassist put the twenty spittle specimens that the band had collected earlier. At this point I must add that their existing fan was a clone of the punter of which he was collected from, albeit smaller and more bloated due to being grown hydroponically.

In the morning, just like before, each jar contained a foetus – a success rate of a hundred percent, which the bassist was very satisfied with. It was then that he rang the guitarist and the guitarist being a gardener suggested turning up the heating and putting an ultraviolet light in the greenhouse so the average temperature and light levels could be kept at optimum level throughout the night.

With the new greenhouse set up the bell jar humans grew quicker than the original specimen and had to be transplanted into elongated bell jars with open tops, to allow them to grow as they wished. In fact, by the end of their gestation they had grown as tall as the greenhouse in which they were in and their heads had started to nod towards their chests to make room for the extended growth. They were also ripe in half the time of the previously grown human.

The band were happy with their new crop and looked forward to bringing their very tall and imposing fans to their next show.